Like many of you, I went to sleep last night thinking ? and trying not to think ? about the Krim family, who lost two of their children Thursday in a senseless tragedy. The family?s nanny has been arrested in the killings. There?s not much to say in the face of such horror. All we can do is to try to bear our own empathy, knowing that there?s nothing we can do or feel that will help the family, or get in the way of our knowledge that any one of us could face such a thing in our own families at any time. Amy Caton, who lives on the Upper West Side near the Krim family, said as much in an e-mail to me late last night. I?ve reprinted the letter below. My useless, impotent thoughts are with the family, as I?m sure are yours.
Dear KJ,
I can?t sleep, and decided to ?write it out?. ? I?m sure you have seen the awful, tragic story of poor Marina and Kevin Krim and their two beautiful children, Lulu and Leo, whose lives were ended so abruptly and brutally today. Since I heard the news several hours ago, my throat has been dry and my whole body tense. I have been into my daughters? rooms several times tonight, smoothing the sweaty hair of my no-longer-baby 2-year-old, and staring into my 3-year-old?s sleeping face, feeling shellshocked.
I live across the street from the Krim?s building. We used to rent an apartment in their building. I did not know the Krims, but I could have. I?m sure I?ve passed them on the street and seen them at the playground. There are so many families like them in this wonderful neighborhood ? fortunate families with beautiful, happy children and caring parents. We come from all over the world to live here. Part of the reality of living on the Upper West Side of Manhattan is that there are very few day cares. Some of us rely on nannies every day so that we can go to work and earn money for our families. Some of us rely on nannies so that we can have alone time with each child to make them feel special. Some of us rely on nannies so that we can take one of our children to swim class, or dance class, or go for a run in the park or dash to a crowded grocery store. It is a delicate and intimate relationship to leave your child with paid help, but many of us don?t have family nearby, and we are fortunate enough to have the means to hire lovely women (and occasionally men) to help us. And we all know that we are lucky and blessed.
I?m sure there are many other Upper West Side mothers like me tonight, and mothers across the country, that can?t stop wondering, what happened? How could Ms. Krim have left her apartment to take her 3-year-old to a swim class, and come back to find her other two children dead? What on earth could have happened that could have led from Point A to Point B? What happened in those last few minutes of those poor children?s lives? It?s not as if knowing would make it any better, but if I, a total stranger, can?t stop thinking about it, how can one recover from such a terrible tragedy?
We rely on a wonderful, amazing nanny to care for my 3- and 2-year-old daughters every day while my husband and I work. We know that this could never, ever happen to our children. At the same time, of course we know this could happen to anyone. It just happened across the street. My heart is broken for this poor family ? my neighbors, and not my neighbors. I don?t know them, and so can?t find any way to express my condolences. I can only wish for them whatever solace and peace there is in this world, and for strength for them to take care of their little girl Nessie. I know that I will try to say a prayer for them and hug my children tightly to me whenever I walk by their building.
Take care,
Amy
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